Amarillo by morning, noon or night


Miss Trixie and I had a little adventure this past week as we had to go to Amarillo, Texas, due to a family illness. Her father, who goes by the name Shot, had to have open heart surgery while passing through the Texas panhandle and made a detour into no man's land to get it.

Much like the Beverly Hillbillies we loaded up the truck and while not quite heading to Beverly, it sure felt like it to Ol’ Dutch. And so began four long days of me being cooped up in a hotel in the middle of nowhere.

It did not take me long to find out that I had made two trips at once to Amarillo: my first and my last.

I swore off ever returning there again in this lifetime, at least. It was so bad that Ol’ Dutch began repenting of every sin I could think of as I don’t want to spend eternity in Hell, nor in Amarillo, which may be worse.

On the way there, Miss Trixie, ever her mother’s child, found some less expensive motels online and while Ol’ Dutch is normally as tight as bark on a tree, I knew this sojourn was going to be for the duration and opted for something nicer.

So, I settled in with the computer on my lap and phone at hand to while away the hours. Miss Trixie came and went from the hotel like a Texas Tornado only stopping to see Ol’ Dutch for meals and bed rests of relative short duration.

Now I don't know if you have ever been to the Panhandle but suffice to say that the wind never stops blowing. It's nothing to have 30 mph straight winds and gusts over 50 which the locals cheerily call a tad breezy.

Miss Trixie’s dad came through the heart surgery just fine but it’s going to be a long-drawn-out process before he finds any sort of normalcy in his life. Slicing a person from stem to stern is traumatic and that is exactly what they do when they operate on your heart.

I often have thought that I should have been a surgeon as I am pretty dextrous when it comes to fine motor skills. And past experience has shown that Ol’ Dutch is pretty darned good at taking apart animals of every shape and size. So, I know I have that part down pat. It's putting it all back together that has always stymied me, but I can just get an assistant for that part of the operation anyway.

At the end of our trip, Ol’ Dutch suddenly began to feel under the weather and before I knew it, I was sick as a dog with a sinus headache and aching back. I sounded the alarm with deep, heartfelt moans so Miss Trixie would know. And that goes to show you that no good deed goes unpunished as I had gone with Miss Trixie to be with her dad out of the goodness of my heart. Man was that ever a costly good deed.

And so, I remain under the weather so to speak although I feel like I am under a huge rock. I just feel horrible. And as luck would have it, I had to spend the afternoon elbow deep in sewage as our black tank lines are plugged up tighter than a preacher who drank the communion wine for breakfast.

Ol’ Dutch will get it fixed sooner or later but wading through that nasty mess is about more than I can stand. I have often been accused of being full of that kind of thing by many a person, but rest assured, if I am not full of it at least it covers me from head to toe.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is Additional news can be found at