Men to the left because women are always right


The Bunny came and went here without so much as a dyed egg as that tradition seems to have passed the way of all things messy for moms. Nowadays of course we have multicolored plastic eggs that can be filled with all sorts of things like candy and toys and even coins.

Miss Trixie and I attended church with the Grand's, and they had an Easter Egg hunt before church and all the little shavers came, not dressed in their finest attire, but with track shoes and shorts to best collect the maximum amount of plastic.

The service was fine although Ol’ Dutch was a tad disappointed as the program did say that Mrs. McGullicuddy was going to come forward and lay an egg on the altar. I had waited with bated breath to see just how that was to be accomplished but when the appointed time came, she simply placed one there with her hands.

But as normal for an Easter service the preacher got Jesus on the cross, buried and resurrected in the allotted time and since Ol’ Dutch didn't have his hearing aids in, it was a time of inner reflection for me. Now most of you might think that it may have been a good thing and a much-needed time whereby I would decide on some changes in my own personal life, and you are correct in that regard.

After much reflection on past deeds and experiences I decided that I have neglected some things in life and vowed then and there to make the necessary corrections starting today. So, no more will I put off fishing until another day when chores are not so pressing. From now on I will answer the call of my inner man and partake of said activities just like Peter the fisherman who just so happens to have been one of Jesus’ Disciples.

And as for hunting, I realized that I have really neglected doing more of that also and will not let things get in the way of that time ever again in my life.

Ol’ Dutch had to use the facilities during a break, and they at least had the men’s restroom on left and women's facilities on the right. I don't know if you ever noticed but this is pretty much how it is wherever you go out in public except at Walmart where they have of late been mixing it up. This causes no little confusion for us folks used to a certain location for said porcelain fixtures and more than once Ol’ Dutch has caught himself just before entering the wrong restroom.

It's pretty easy to remember where you are supposed to go when the need calls but whoever is designing these new buildings has never heard that “men go to the left because women are always right.” Which leads to seeing old men exiting women's private rooms shaking their heads and complaining about there being no urinals due to political correctness gone amok.

But getting back to the church facilities, the doors were on the correct sides at least and in fact there were no doors but just a wide-open area with a right-angle turn to hide said users from public view.

The men’s room was packed with little boys waiting in line at one of the two urinals and I could not figure out why they didn't use the second one standing empty of any little pee’ers. But Ol’ Dutch bellied up to the bar so to speak and in doing so soon found out why they didn't use it.

Now Ol’ Dutch still stands pretty close to 6 feet tall, so I am not a short man by any means, but this urinal was set high enough up the wall that I almost had to stand on my tiptoes to hit the target. And I don't know if this church is heavy on ex-basketball players or what, but I guessed that set height probably took out a good 70% of the men in attendance.

But it did give me something to think about for the rest of the service and watching the people leave afterward I was able to quickly calculate that my numbers were probably just about right from the height of the men in attendance. Easter is about improving ourselves and so Ol’ Dutch hit it big this year with some personal resolutions and also did some math calculations which helps to ward off Alzheimer's disease.

So, wherever life finds you this Spring, take the time to stop and smell the roses. Just make sure that it's not near the left door room as it smelled of pine scent to me in there.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV, or hike daily. His email is Additional news can be found at