I am sure if you ever played tag you have heard the phrase “ready or not.” The way it worked was all the players in the game would run away and hide somewhere and the person that was “it” would count to ten or whatever and then look up and say ready or not here I come. What followed was a hectic search for those who had hidden.

It's a game best played outside and has been called “kick the can” or plain old hide and seek. Somewhere in the list of outside games of the sort a person could also holler “ollie, ollie oxen free.” I have no idea what that means but I think at that point everyone was safe from capture by the chaser. I have no idea what the oxen were all about or who even knew what an ox was but there you have it.

Ol’ Dutch of late has been in his own game of “ready or not” so to speak at least since hitching my wagon to Miss Trixie’s oxen. This is a different sort of game of course but it happens every time we are ready to do someplace.

Here is how our game works.

Miss Trixie will appear suddenly in front of me partially clad and in a loud voice say “are you ready to go.” To which I say yes. Now understand, I am sitting in my chair with my computer on and in running shorts and no shirt at this point.

When we first began to cohabitate in harmonious union, this question from here would launch me into a furious course of action and I would quickly get my shirt on and be in the car waiting for her. But having been around that block a few thousand times, now I just sit in my chair and wait. For what transpires next is nothing short of amazing. Because as soon as Miss Trixie announces our pending departure for places yet unknown, she runs in the bedroom and strips down naked and gets in the shower.

Which I don't mind of course and appreciate that she wants to arrive at said function as fresh as a daisy albeit a “late” daisy. This is due to the fact that said shower and subsequent change of clothes occurs normally at the time she has appointed us to leave the house. Of course this makes us late for most things including the last potluck we went to which means the green bean casserole that Mary brings and the Sweet Potato Pie that Clarice brings is all gone before we ever hit the door.

It's not all bad as that means Miss Trxie’s food does not get gobbled up so fast and to be quite honest with you, she cooks better than either Mary or Clarice so it's a win-win. I have of late been trying to do the dishes so she can't blame our lateness on that but I love to see her look of disdain if she actually beats me to the car by a minute or two.

Of course you ladies do have a lot more to put on than men and most of the time simply putting on a ball cap suffices for hair combing for us anyway. And some women struggle into foundations which used to mean a girdle but now I think it's called Spanx underwear. These squeeze and push all the unwanted parts of a woman's lower extremities into a spandex material thereby allowing her to fit into a dress one size smaller than reality. Otherwise called “false advertising.”

Putting on their warpaint is another time consuming part of going out and Ol’ Dutch has to say that if done right it does add to the beauty of already beautiful women so I don't mind one bit.

So it's fast approaching noon here and soon I will have Miss Trixie busting in the door and asking “Are you ready?” I volunteered to take her afternoon rafting trip with Mountain Man rafting today and so she will come to take me there as Ol’ Dutch is not capable of finding that place on his own so it seems.

Ready or not I guess I am going to be going out the door and enjoying another day on the mighty Rio Grande River. 

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV or hike daily. His email is [email protected]. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com.